Because I never

This is an article put on Facebook by my friend Nikhil Naik. I guess it is a translated version of one of Pula Deshpande's writings. Nevertheless, very funny.
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When I come from office in the evening, my wife is cooking.
I can hear the utensils in the kitchen.

I stealthily enter the house, take out the bottle from my black cupboard.
Shivaji Maharaj is looking at me from the photo frame, but still no one is aware of it.
Because I never take risks.

I take out the glass from the rack above the old sink.
Quickly enjoy one peg.
Wash the glass and again keep it on the rack.
Of course I also keep the bottle inside my cupboard.
Shivaji Maharaj smiles.

I peep into the kitchen. Wife is cutting potatoes.
No one is aware of what I did.
Because I never take risks.

I say to my wife: "Any news on Chopra's daughter's marriage?"
Wife: "Nope, she doesn't seem to be that lucky. Still they are looking for someone for her."


I come out again; there is a small noise from the black cupboard.
But I don't make any sound while taking out the bottle.
I take out the glass from the old rack above the sink.
Quickly enjoy one peg.

Wash the bottle and keep it in the sink.
Also keep the Black Glass in the cupboard.
But still no one is aware of what I did.
Because I never take risks.

I say to my Wife : "But still I think Chopra's daughter's age is not that much."
Wife: "What? She is 28 yrs old... like an aged horse!"
Me: "Oh OK..."


I again take out potatoes out from my black cupboard.
But the cupboard's place has automatically changed.
I take out the bottle from the rack and quickly enjoy one peg in the sink.
Shivaji Maharaj laughs out loud.

I keep the rack in the potatoes & wash Shivaji Maharaj's photo & keep it in the black cupboard.
Wife is keeping the sink on the stove.
But still no one is aware of what I did.
Because I never take risks.

I say to my Wife: (agitated) "You call Mr. Chopra a horse? If you say that again, I will slit your tongue!"
Wife: "Don't just blabber something, go out and sit quietly."


I take out the bottle from the potatoes.
Go in the black cupboard and enjoy a peg.
Wash the sink and keep it over the rack.

My wife smiles.
Shivaji Maharaj is still cooking.
But still no one is aware of what I did.
Because I never take risks.

I say to my wife with a laugh: "So chopra is marrying a horse!"
Wife: "Just go! Sprinkle some water on your face!"


I go to the kitchen again, and quietly sit on the rack.
Stove is also on the rack.
There is a small noise of bottles from the room outside.
I peep and see that wife is enjoying a peg in the sink.
But none of the horses are aware of what I did.
Becoz Shivaji Maharaj never take risks.
chopra is still cooking

And I look at my wife from the photo and laugh.

Because I never take... I never take...... never take .....
never take what?

I never take a potato I guess...